Famous Last Words
by freiheitfuehlen
Summary: Another series! The way it happened? I said: "Gimme a sentence and I'll write you a story!" Addek, Maddison, Merder to some extend ...whichever floats your boat.
1. Cassie

**A/N: **Another series! The way it happened? I said: "Gimme a sentence and I'll write you a story!"

**Cassie**

"_I remember all the feelings and the day they stopped."_

The silence was straining, Derek thought and sighed. So were the unanswered, yet subliminal, questions; the unexpressed accusations; the ever lingering doubts; but foremost the feeling of indifference which had settled in, blurring Derek's sense of reality and weighing on his shoulders like a pile of stones. Whenever he went for a walk nowadays, the clear Seattle air seemed to pollute his nostrils and lungs, making it difficult to breath in the sense of relief he had felt when he had first arrived. History was repeating itself and Derek offered no assistance to interfere. He had become a passive spectator in his own life; or maybe, Derek admitted to himself, he had never been anything else than that.

So when Meredith asked, casually, over dinner, like those words did not have the power to tear down everything they had built for themselves; a house, a family, a future together. It did not surprise Derek in the least. It had been a long time coming, Derek silently added to his train of thoughts, and he only wondered if Meredith suspected anything or if she had gotten used to being as miserable and dysfunctional as they had grown to be – with the lies, the deception, the routine, that she had stopped striving for something more. He hoped that she had noticed, as painful and egotistical that may sound, at least then they would be sharing something, even if it was an unwanted, uncomfortable feeling of loneliness.

"You never talk about her," Meredith paused, her voice neutral and her eyes blank. Derek was almost certain then that Meredith understood and relief washed over him, covering the guilt and responsibility that were prohibiting him from ending a promise whose sands had run out months ago.

"You've been married to her for twelve years. That's such a long time. There should be things you remember and stories you want to tell. But you never talk about it, almost as if it never happened."

If Meredith had spoken with less resignation in her voice she could have been mistaken for being angry and defiant concerning this inevitable disaster they were heading for. Maybe it was her mother's fault or her father's fault, maybe it was not anyone one else's fault but her own. Meredith had never dared to hope that the future held a place for her happiness. She had hoped for her father to return, for her mother to care and for Derek to leave Addison. So Meredith bestowed her life on cynicism, self-reliance and tequila; lots of it.

The silence was unnerving, so were the quiet accusations and the lingering doubts. But the ever growing indifference was leading her down a path she knew by heart. History was repeating itself but Meredith was neither faithful nor brave enough to make the one decision Derek would never reach. They would live on, just the way they had in the last couple of months, and convince themselves this current situation was not more than a disturbance on their long road ahead which had never included a happily ever after in the first place.

"I remember all the feelings and the day they stopped."

It was the truth, unadorned and penetrating. However Derek was not convinced he was solely referring to his feelings for Addison; if at all.


	2. Sarah

**Sarah:**

"_Addison and Derek visit the dentist."_

It should have been a warning; Addison chided herself that they could not agree on which doctor to see in the first place. Tough luck brought them to this current predicament they found themselves in, stranded on the side of an untraveled road with a flat tire. It was all her fault, Addison supposed; at least if Derek was asked about it. The radio did not work even though Addison had tried her best at pressing any possible button resulting in The Clash – London calling, stuck and on repeat. Addison thought about getting out of this sorry excuse of a car, Derek had insisted they take, and walk the rest of the way.

However, it rained. Addison snorted and crossed her arms in front of her chest.

"Does your cell have reception?"

Derek asked while trying his hardest to revive his phone which had fallen into a puddle in Derek's futile attempt to change the tires.

Addison treated him with nothing but silence. If someone were to ask Addison whose fault this uncomfortable, almost unbearable, situation was she would blame Derek. After all he had chosen to move to Seattle. They had had a life in New York; a good one, albeit silent and indifferent – one sided, but nonetheless. At least in New York City they would not have had to wait for assistance, or rather they would not have had a break-down in the first place. They would have taken a cab if – that was an objecting _if_ – Addison reasoned with herself, they had even managed to be in this situation. At all.

"Silence? Really? We left high school a long time ago?"

Addison snorted at his remark. Opened her mouth and closed it again. Humming quietly to herself in order to prevent words to leave her mouth that could probably – most likely, Addison admitted, do more harm than good.

"At least Skippy Gold knew how to treat a woman with respect."

And they managed to slip out anyway. Addison bit her tongue and turned her head to glance out the window in an attempt to avoid looking at Derek who she figured was glaring at her. Clearly Derek and hypocrisy were friends; best friends.

"What's that supposed to mean?"

Derek got mad. Addison certainly did not like when he was angry about her but lately she had learned to accept anger from him. At least when he got mad he showed some emotion towards her. That certainly bet indifference; Addison completed her train of thoughts.

"You know very well what that means, Derek!"

His name was spoken with harshness and bitterness that even surprised Addison, resulting in tears welling up in her eyes. Addison hated crying in front of Derek or anyone for that matter. Tears were a sign of weakness and defeat, Addison had been told – taught by her parents.

Instead of the string of hurtful and abasing words she expected him to shower her with; a hand came to rest on her thigh, stroking it softly in soothing circles.

Addison would later defend herself by saying that she did not expect such a caring and genuine gesture, so really, she was not to blame for breaking down in front of him like she had done. It was Derek's fault; all of it.

_A few hours earlier_

"I made Christmas cookies." Addison announced beamingly and held out a platter of freshly baked cookies so Derek could take one.

But Derek hesitated, after all his wife was not known for her baking skills or any domestic skills for that matter. However he was careful to mention anything in this regard at any given time. Luckily for him she rarely cooked and most of the times she did, it was pasta which usually turned out reasonably eatable. If – and that was an objecting _if _Derek noted, you were not very hungry.

Derek smiled after all she had really put effort into making their first Christmas in Seattle passably bearable. So, Derek reasoned, how bad could it really get?

He took a cookie, brought it to his mouth and took a bite.

Later Derek would not even be able to say if the cookies were any good or, you know, worth it. All Derek remembered was the pain he felt when a piece of his incisor broke off.

Derek should have known better, he chided himself afterwards. But then this was Addison's fault in the first place. If she had not slept with Mark there would have been no reason to flee New York; really, it had not been as bad as Addison liked to portray it. He might have been a little absent, albeit busy working to support the family they had planned to have, but they would have been fine.

However Addison would completely disagree on the matter, Derek was certain. Addison liked to blame him for everything; like that one time Doc ate her shoes. It is not like he paid the dog to annoy her, even though he might have taken some joy out of seeing her fruitless attempts at establishing a relationship with the animal.

On a good day, Derek would – maybe, admit to carrying part of the blame for what had happened to their marriage. On those days he wanted nothing more than to console her and make things right, especially when she cried because Derek knew she hated crying in front of him or anyone for that matter. Therefore it was only natural for him to let her weep against his chest you know, Derek thought, as one of his marital duties.

In hindsight both Derek and Addison would admit that – _maybe_, breaking down in the middle of nowhere with a flat tire was not as bad as either would have made it out to be if asked by anyone.

The end.


	3. Karolina

**Karolina**

„_Love is just a word until someone comes along and gives it meaning. "_

Her beauty drew people in, leaving them with either envy or adoration. Her perfect porcelain skin, her silky and long red hair, those endless, perfectly toned legs and her radiant smile forced people to observe her every move and captivated the admiration of countless love-struck passersby.

Those were reasons Derek had first noticed Addison in the crowed of young, restless and determined medical students many years ago.

Her intelligence either scared people off or seduced them into discussing matters of the heart, the philosophy or the medicine they currently studied for countless hours until sleep caught up with them, leaving them yearning for more.

Those were reasons that had first encouraged Derek to ask her out, intrigued and mesmerized by the person he slowly discovered underneath her beauty.

Her sexuality hypnotized him. Her constant desire to love and to experience, her insatiable need for intimacy and the feeling of security left him with a passionate craving for closure and satisfaction.

Those were the reasons Derek fell in love with Addison, hopelessly and completely surrendering his heart and being.

Her support, seemingly limitless trust and faith as well as her ability to give without expecting anything in return and in spite of everything he had ever done and said to deliberately hurt her, made him realize that what they had – carelessly thrown away, was a castle built on friendship. Solid, reliable and outlasting any damage.

Those were the reasons Derek had never stopped loving Addison Adrienne Forbes Montgomery, always Shepherd.


	4. Ilaria

**A/N: **Next one. Last one oft he sentences I got, so I need more! This was supposed to be fluff but the story had a mind of its own. Leave me a review with a sentence and maybe a name and I'll write YOU a piece, too. Addek, Maddison, Merder(to some extend and certainly angsty) and anything with Amelia is fine. Just tell me which pairing you'd like. Cheers

**Ilaria**

„_I don't only love you for who you are, but for who I am when I'm with you. "_

Smoke clouded the air in front of her, Addison breathed out the last bit of nicotine she had inhaled mere moments ago, closed her eyes and sighed.

"I haven't seen you smoke since _that day_." Derek said softly, trying to mask the resignation and defeat which were reigning over his usually confident self. He sat down beside her, on a bench overlooking Pudget Sound. The sun was shining, a rarity in the land of precipitation and endless gray skies. The irony was not lost on either of them; and for once they wished it rained, if only to wash away their grief or drown themselves in melancholy.

_That day_; Addison scoffed inwardly remembering the day which shall not be named much like the Dark Lord in the Harry Potter series. No one talked about it, at least no one that had been there. Addison sighed and wished it could be that easy, like hanging a blanket over an undesired painting. If only she could free herself from the hurt and guilt she still felt; the guilt of surviving.

"I have never felt that powerless again."

People who learned that they were from New York always asked. Addison would tell them she had not been present on that day in September. It was easier than admitting the truth; telling them she saw people jumping out of windows, people burned to their skin and many buried underneath tons of steel – forever lost. How can one find words to describe how powerless and insufficient one's life became afterwards? So pretending it never happened – like ripping a side out of a history book, seemed easier than letting the weight of loss sink them in guilt.

"I'm sorry."

Addison knew he was sorry but it did not matter. His feelings for her had always been genuine, albeit fleeting at times and meaningless at others. Addison had not grown up in a loving, supporting and honest family. Deception had paved her childhood and failure had dominated her adolescence. Addison had loved visiting Derek's family, deceiving herself in the belief that she found love and acceptance in spite of her up-bringing.

Addison had told Meredith once that Derek was the kind of man who would not hurt anyone on purpose, not like she had. It was one of the reasons she fell in love with him. He loved in a sacrificing and giving way that mesmerized her heart, created an obsession; the idea of finally becoming the person she always wanted to be – opposed to who she was supposed to be.

"I never _just_ loved you for who you are, but for who I was when I was with you."

Derek looked at her questioningly. He had not expected for the conversation to steer in this particular direction; after all this time and the recent loss of her brother. Maybe he had lost the ability to see through her charade of abating emotional distress, Derek wondered.

"Addie," he spoke so softly it made Addison's skin itchy from excitement. His piercing blue eyes held a level of comfort she had always relied on and in spite of everything she had done to hurt him, he was still the best friend she had once found.

"My mother is a lesbian and my father, God I hated him, is a philandering bastard whose only flaw was to have fallen in love with a woman who had been in love with someone else for twenty years. I grew up with betrayal and disappointment and when I met you I thought I finally had a chance to become a better person – someone I could respect. And then I did the one thing I have dreaded and hated all of my life. I became my parents."

Addison lit another cigarette and blinked away tears – of failure, disdain and resignation. Derek watched her carefully, took one of her cigarettes and lit it.

They smoked their cigarettes in silence, a comfortable quietness that only close friends can share.

"I have always loved you for the person you became in spite of the wreckage your family was. You give so much to so many people; money, comfort and hope. I admired your strength and your faith. I wanted to be half the person you were and it made me obsess over work. It is not your fault I thought I had to make a change, to prove how important I was. It was mine. You're a great person and I love you for it."

"It just doesn't matter."

Addison said and got up. She walked towards the pier and only stopped again to turn around.

"I love you. Still. So much. But it doesn't matter."

She walked back towards him and placed a chaste kiss on his lips.

"Love did not end our relationship. In the deciding moments of our marriage we both chose the wrong path," Addison admitted.

She kissed him once more, crossed her arms in front of her chest and walked away.

The end.


	5. Marry

**A/N: **I need new sentences! Feel free to suggest! One more to go.

**Marry **

"_Because she is Addison!"_

His mother had once asked him, her hands stemmed into her hips and her eyes fixated on him, "Why do you want to marry her?"

Derek had always suspected that his mother had never liked his girlfriend – condemned her family background and everything it allegorized. But until this very moment she had always held back, smiling and nodding politely during conversations, inviting her over to family dinners and showing gratitude for the gifts Addison brought for her, albeit a materialistic and pricey way to win someone's appreciation she would admonish herself; quietly but vehemently nonetheless.

"Because she is Addison," Derek had replied insistently.

Derek supposed it did not make sense in his mother's eyes or anyone else's for that matter. But it made perfect sense to him in an indescribable, somewhat absurd sense of veracity.

When Mark came to see him, took a seat next to him on one of Joe's barstools and bluntly asked him with a hint of anger and despair in his voice,

"Why can't you forgive me?"

"Because she's Addison," Derek replied dryly before taking a drink from the Scotch he had ordered.

Mark should have understood, Derek chided silently. Addison was inexpressibly beautiful, genuinely caring and exceedingly smart; too big a catch for him, he had always told himself so Mark had slipped Addison a note, asking her for a date and signed with Derek's name. She had accepted with a radiant smile on her lips, tempting Derek to taste her lips; and so he had. They had gotten married one year later and Mark had sat with Derek the night before the wedding, calming his nerves and listening to every attempt Derek had made writing his vows and declaring them unworthy of use until he finally found the right words,

"For me it's you and no one else because you're Addison."

When Meredith asked him, unbelieving and obviously hurt by the rejection, "Why won't you leave her?"

Derek sighed in defeat, knowing well that there were no words to justify this betrayal. He had fooled her and himself with the idea that a new city brought a refreshing sense of independence; from the person he had become by loving Addison.

He should have chosen his words more wisely, Derek reprimanded himself. He should have told Meredith that they – Addison and he, had lived together for twelve years; that meant twelve Christmases, twelve sets of birthdays and twelve anniversaries. He should have told her that he honestly could not give up on a relationship which had lasted for most of his adulthood, without even trying to salvage it. Instead he simply stood there, quietly for several moments, before he spoke merely above a whisper.

"Because she's Addison."

When his daughter asked him curiously with one of her eyebrows elevated - a similarity in behavior that was not lost on Derek, albeit biologically impossible.

"Why have Mom and you never gotten married?"

Derek took her hand and let his thumb run softly over his daughter's knuckles. When he looked at her with his piercing blue eyes and his unique, slightly crooked smile, he simply said.

"We didn't need to."

eHHHhHHNNN


	6. Kristine Joyce

**Kristine Joyce**

"_This is our song."_

Amelia looked stunningly beautiful; her dark hair was falling down in curls and the white dress she wore was bringing out the sheer happiness she radiated even more. She laughed softly at something Derek had whispered in her ear. Heads so close together - someone who had not known how estranged they had once been, would have sworn they were the perfect, understanding and supporting siblings everyone wished to have.

As the band started playing again, Amelia's newly wedded husband, Marcus, walked up to her, kissed her cheek chastely and took her hand to lead her towards the dance floor, leaving Derek alone and lost in memories.

_Red lights are flashing on the highway  
>I wonder if we're gonna ever get home<br>I wonder if we're gonna ever get home tonight_

Addison sat a table with Nancy discussing current cases and laughing over old memories they had made in the years that had passed – years that had been concealed in a box, hidden in Addison's closet of avoidance. She wore a knee-length dark green dress. Her red hair was pinned up except for a few strands which were falling in soft curls, framing her beautiful face. Addison had been uncertain whether she should be attending the wedding or not, after everything that had happened between Derek and her. Amelia had simply scoffed at Addison's primary concern for her family's feelings and said that if Addison was not coming than Amelia would not either; because ultimately there was no wedding to be held without a maid of honor. So Addison ended up boarding a flight to Connecticut, facing the demons of her past and making peace what was remaining of her former life.

A soft shiver ran down Addison's back as she heard the familiar melody. She sighed, picked up her wine glass and took a sip, hoping to drown the simmering melancholy. If Nancy noticed her slight change in demeanor Addison was unable to perceive. She closed her eyes and listened carefully to the sound of a different time.

_But if you break down  
>I'll drive out and find you<br>If you forget my love  
>I'll try to remind you<br>And stay by you when it don't come easy_

Mark ordered another round of shots for Meredith and himself. Neither of them felt overly comfortable in their current situation – as different as the reasons were, their shared lack of affiliation brought them some relief; if nothing else.

"So," Meredith began curiously, encouraged by the liquor she had already consumed, "How was it? _Their_ wedding?"

Mark winced after drowning the last of his shot, sighed and replied with a boyish smirk on his face. "Different. Big. Overcrowded." He paused, looking at her and trying to decipher where all of this came from and whether he should continue. After all, he knew how massive the weight of having to live up to someone else really was; especially if that other person was either Derek or Addison – the inerrable union which merely existed in their minds nowadays.

He decided that sometimes a lie served the good better than the truth. He laughed and ordered another round of shots for them.

"Drunk, really mostly drunk."

When Mark heard Meredith laughing wholeheartedly at his silliness he supposed that sometimes people did not even want to know the truth – especially when its worth was questionable at best.

_You're out there walking down a highway  
>And all of the signs got blown away<br>Sometimes you wonder if you're walking in the wrong direction_

Addison smelled him before she even felt his soft touch on her shoulder; his scent had imprinted itself on her nostrils, a remnant of a shared decade in marital bliss. She smiled at that thought and turned her head to look at him. His eyes were so blue and the way he looked at her - with warmth and fondness, it made her dizzy from excitement.

"You look beautiful." Derek said and smiled at her without removing his hand from her shoulder.

"You don't look too bad yourself," Addison replied smilingly. It had been a while since they had last talked over anything other than medical cases. Addison had often wondered if maybe all they had left were polite conversations and meaningless questions. It pained her to acknowledge that they might not only have lost their love but furthermore their friendship, too, with time consuming it.

Derek let his hand wander down her arm to take her hand and when he spoke, softly but determinedly, he smiled radiantly at her.

"Will you dance with me?"

Addison blushed and nervously shook her head. "Derek…we shouldn't…."

"This is our song, Addie." He paused and squeezed her hand reassuringly. "Besides, I wouldn't want to dance with anyone else to this song."

So she got up and let him lead her to the dance floor, swaying to the melody of a different time Addison thought that coming here had been a great idea.

_When the last bird falls  
>And the last siren sounds<br>Someone will say what's been said before  
>Some love we were looking for<em>

The end.

(Song: Patty Griffin – When It Don't Come Easy)


	7. Antoni

**A/N: **New one! A little different maybe; it's where my mind went. Reviews are love!

**Antoni**

"_I'm sorry, Addison."_

He looked older. His hair was a little longer since the last time she had seen him. Streaks of gray her gave him a distinguished air of classical beauty and intelligence. He wore glasses nowadays, Addison noticed with a smirk on her lips; he hated wearing them – at least he had when they had been married, but time and biological disposition seemed to have changed his mind or willpower.

He still spoke with strength and confidence in front of an intrigued audience of knowledge-yearning young medical students; and her, but he did not know she was there. His eyes were still as blue as she remembered but wrinkles had formed on his forehead, she supposed she had aided to this characteristic trait of lifelong struggles and occasional, unavoidable disappointments.

His work had become legendary in the medical field; his Alzheimer's study and the infamous Shepherd-Method preceded his presence wherever he went. She smiled at his seemingly unshakable determination and researching strives. He had once told her – on the verge of discovering his own potential in neurology that he planned to achieve something and create new hope for severe diseases to be overcome. He had fulfilled his own expectations, at least his professional ones.

Addison thought it would feel differently to see him again after all those years of deafening silence. Maybe, she supposed, it was true that time healed all wounds – even the non-physical cuts of deception and broken promises. Those, Addison knew they both had more than enough of.

When the last round of applause fell slowly silent, she got up and walked out of the auditorium on the grounds of the University of Columbia.

She closed her eyes for a moment, relishing the last feeling of melancholy when she bumped into someone.

"I'm sorry," a blonde woman, probably ten years her junior, apologized quickly, helping Addison to find her balance again with a hand on one of Addison's shoulders.

"No, it's okay. It was my fault. I should have watched where I was going." Addison apologized for her careless behavior and smiled politely at the younger women.

"So, did you attend the lecture…Miss Montgomery?"

Addison blinked in confusion before she asked, "How did you know my name?"

The blonde woman smiled mischievously and pointed towards the embroidery on Addison's lap coat, earning a soft laugh of understanding in return.

"Oh, yes. Sorry, " Addison said, slightly embarrassed. "I did. Did you?"

"No. I'm just here to pick him up. He's my husband." She stated proudly, smiling softly towards the door of the auditorium.

"He is? Good for you, he is something." Addison said, surprisingly sincerely and without traces of jealousy. Maybe she admitted to herself that having hurt him like she had, she had no more right to judge or decide over his happiness, especially after the time that had passed and the divorce papers that had been signed years ago.

"Do you know him? He used to go to this school." The young woman asked curiously.

"No," Addison lied. If there was one thing Addison had learned over the years it was that the truth sometimes was best kept a secret. So she smiled politely at the younger woman and excused herself, "I have to get back to work. It was nice meeting you."

"You, too." The younger woman replied warmly and watched Addison walk away.

"Meredith?" She turned around and kissed her husband chastely on the lips. "Who were you talking to?"

"Just someone who was at your lecture." Meredith paused and added beamingly," A Doctor Montgomery."

If Meredith noticed the slight change in demeanor – his face growing pale and his gaze appearing distant, she did not let it show. Together they walked down the corridors of Columbia University.

Derek thought it would feel differently to see her again after all those years. She was still stunningly beautiful with her porcelain skin, free of wrinkles, and her long, silky red hair that he supposed she dyed. But not much had changed about her, not even his feelings for her – except maybe the anger and hurt he had felt after her betrayal, he realized with an aching in his heart. She still worked with utmost precision he had always admired about her. When Addison looked up to the gallery and noticed him, she smiled in a way that made her eyes light up with excitement and joy. His heart started beating rapidly in his chest.

Derek waited for Addison by the OR board with his arms crossed in front of his chest, in a feeble attempt at keeping the emotional distance he had treated her with before.

"Hey there, stranger," Addison said softly, a smile on her lips and sparkle in her eyes that Derek had not seen in a long time, albeit sorely missed.

"Hey." Derek did not know what to say to her and it made him feel stupid and immature.

"I saw you today. You're still mesmerizing on stage when you're giving a speech."

Derek was jealous of her in that moment; jealous of her ability to set aside the years of silence and indifference and bask in the feeling of comfort and acquaintance they had once shared in each other's company.

"Thank you. I know. I heard." Derek said, hoping to spare her feelings by avoiding talking about Meredith; the one who took _her_ place.

Addison nodded and smiled lightly at him with a playful grin on her face. "You found yourself a good girl, Hubble."

It made Derek laugh and right then Addison knew that maybe they could never be lovers again, but she would be damned if she denied him and herself the possibility of friendship.

"They Way We Were," Derek acknowledged and reached out his hand to take hers and squeezed it lightly.

Addison leaned forward and put her arms around his shoulders in a heart-felt embrace. She kissed the side of his neck tenderly before she leaned back and whispered almost inaudibly.

"The way we were."

The end.


	8. Isabelle

**Isabelle**

_"If you could go back 12 years, would you do it all over again?"_

"The ring," Addison said quietly as she took a seat next to Derek on the porch in front of the trailer that had once been their home. Derek looked tired, Addison noticed, and defeated. She had heard about Jen and the way he had failed to save her; in his own opinion at least.

Derek remained silent, oblivious to his surroundings and apparently uninterested in conversing with ex-wife who had achieved what Derek had been unable to perform; a miracle to save a life.

The wind blew softly over the green grass, awarding the smothering summer night with a relieving freshness. A possibility to breathe, even in those nagging moments of guilt and regret eating away at Derek's strength.

"You did everything you could, Derek." Addison said before she moved closer to him. Sitting right next to Derek, letting her shoulder bump lightly against his, she sighed and reached for the hand of her ex-husband which was currently holding the ring she had never been worthy enough to wear, at least in his mother's eyes.

"It just wasn't enough," Derek whispered into the quiet darkness of the night, opening his right hand which had been fisted around the metal object he had planned to give to Meredith earlier. Addison took the ring and weighed it carefully in her hand, observing it and reading the engraving out loud. A disturbing sound of broken promises and lost love filled the air.

_Carolyn. My only love._

"Would you do it all again," Addison paused, choosing her words wisely she asked, "If you could go back twelve years, would you do it all over again?"

Addison had thought about that question herself many times. If she knew how it ended beforehand, would she have chosen the same path? Addison sighed deeply, closed her eyes and waited for his answer – a moment of truth that held the ability to rob her of her illusions, her dreams and her memories of the past.

"No," Derek said simply. He took the ring from her hand, stood up and threw the ring as far away as possible.

Addison got up quickly, tears welling up in her eyes; she turned her back to Derek and started walking away towards her rental car.

"If I could go back twelve years, I would have never let you go."

This was more than just a choice. It was more than preferring an option to another, Derek knew. There was no going back but if he could, he would live the life he had imagined for himself instead of constantly waiting for the other shoe to drop.

The end.


	9. Marry Angel

**Marry Angel**

"_Thank you for saving him."_

The familiarity and warmth she felt sitting in a kitchen she had once called a place of comfort and refuge, left Addison with nothing but a stinging ache in her heart. She traced the rim of the tea cup in front of her, reminiscing over memories she had banned from her mind in an attempt to protect herself from the feelings of failure and worthlessness.

The sun was slowly rising over Connecticut when Addison was suddenly jerked from her reverie by a voice calling out her name; a voice she knew by heart.

"Addison," Carolyn Shepherd said curtly, albeit politely, before she continued her way towards the coffee machine.

"Why do you hate me so much?" Addison asked in a fleeting moment of yearning for truth and understanding.

Carolyn was startled by the question, turning around to face her former daughter-in-law; she shook her head lightly and replied gruffly, "You broke my son's heart."

Addison sighed, took a sip from her tea and nodded her head in defeat.

"You never liked me, even before. Why did you never give me a chance?"

There it was, a truth they had both concealed from anyone but themselves; after all its worth was questionable in a situation that left them with nothing but shared miscommunication.

It was not about blaming someone for the wreckage Addison and Derek's marriage had become, Addison admitted, it was simply about comprehending why she had always been unworthy of Derek's love in his mother's eyes.

"You're self-centered and arrogant. It was always about you, everything; when to get married or when to start a family, which jobs to take and which house to buy was always your solemn decision. Marriage is more than just taking, Addison. You want to know why I never liked you, because it took you fourteen years to even ask this question."

There were things, facts for that matter which Carolyn had never bothered to acknowledge and yet it did not matter; not anymore. So instead of saying:

_I sacrificed, too, for this marriage. _

She kept quiet, drinking her tea and waiting for the clock to strike 7am, indicating that Addison could get up, take her belongings and drive to the hospital to check on Julian – her nephew she had delivered pre-maturely eighteen hours ago, before flying back to Los Angeles.

At 7.01am, Addison got up and put on her coat. When she reached the door, she halted in her tracks, turned around and said quietly, but forcefully, "I loved him enough, Carolyn, to try and make things work with you, his mother - his only parent left, even when I earned nothing but bitter silence in return."

Addison turned around and reached for the door knob.

"Thank you for saving him, Addison," Carolyn said curtly, albeit politely – in the same way she had always been around Addison; reserved and distrustful.

Addison nodded with her back still turned to Carolyn and opened the door to step into the cold winter morning. She took a deep breath and walked briskly towards her rental car.

On the plane back to California, Carolyn's words rang in Addison's ears and all she could think was,

_If only you loved him the way I did, we would have made it work._

The end.


	10. Lexi

**Lexi**

"_I dyed my hair when you left."_

Of all the things she could have told him –secrets she had kept from him, the one she confessed was a foolish act of physical change.

_I dyed my hair when you left._

Maybe, Addison believed, he understood nonetheless; understood that the urge to change her appearance was born in a desperate attempt to isolate the person she had become by loving Derek.

Addison should have told Derek about the baby she aborted – her only chance at motherhood she had sacrificed to fight for her marriage. A fruitless undertaking, Addison admitted dejectedly, which had brought her nothing but heartache and humiliation in Seattle and more so in Los Angeles.

But Addison could not tell him without admitting to herself that having anyone else's baby but Derek's still felt like an act of betrayal; even now when divorce papers had been signed and Derek had already moved on, leaving her alone in the land of regret and self-loathing.

"Really. Which color?" Derek asked unbelievingly, shaking his head and laughing at the absurdity of imagining Addison with anything but red hair; he had always loved her hair long, falling down her shoulders in soft, red curls.

She should have told him right then, but in a moment of genuine affection and friendship Addison could not bear to lose the last thread of connection she had with Derek, so she smiled politely and replied, "Dark brown."

The truth – her phase of being a blonde, would have revealed her most degrading flaw; a pathological compulsion to be admired.

The end.


	11. Aiketi

**A/N:****  
><strong>Two days, I know, but life kind of caught up with me. Anyway, two more stories today! =) One for Victoria and the other one is a surprise.

**Aiketi**

"Sick of crying, tired of trying, yeah I'm smiling but inside I'm dying._"_

Everything turned into white, Addison noticed, and laughed at the irony of wearing black – the color of grief when all she saw was the color white; the hospital walls, the bright lights hanging above her and the pale skin of death in front of her covered in a white blanket.

Addison sighed, her heart heavy with guilt and anger, she stepped outside the room and dialed a familiar number.

It was ringing and Addison's heart started beating so rapidly that she feared she would fall over and lose consciousness. He did not pick up before the seventh ring and up until then Addison had hoped to flee this moment – delay delivering a message, an unavoidable truth that made Addison sick to her stomach.

"Hey Addie, how are you?"

His voice was soft and caring which was constricting her chest and making it hard to breath. It had been a long time since they had last talked and hearing his voice with a well-known and long-absent gentleness made it almost impossible for her to say anything, letting alone telling him that his baby sister had died only six hours ago.

So she kept quiet, breathing in and out rhythmically, and trying to find the right words to say. But Addison knew well that there were no right words, nothing could even attempt to convey the hurt and helplessness one felt at losing someone so close.

Derek knew, too. He had lost his father when he had been nine years old. Good people did not deserve to be punished so brutally, Addison admonished God, if there was one, she added to this train of thoughts he appeared to be inadequately unjust.

"Addie? What's wrong?"

And there it was; worry. Addison had vowed to herself after the divorce never to hurt him like she had before and even though she knew that she could not spare him the pain, Addison felt like she was responsible for keeping them, Derek and Amelia, safe and unharmed. She had failed them both, Addison thought, and when the tears welled up in her eyes she started crying while sinking to the floor in pure defeat.

The cell fell from her hand onto the floor. Addison brought her knees close to her chest and buried her face in her hands, weeping; for Amelia, for Derek and for herself.

"Addie? What's wrong? Addie? Addie?"

Derek's concern for her was growing with every second passing and with every desperate cry he heard. Something was very wrong and he needed to know what it was so he could attempt to fix it. He simply needed to help.

"Derek."

It was not a question. It was merely stated, holding an amount of apathy only shock can offer.

"Sam? What's wrong? Addison, is she hurt?"

Sam sighed deeply, closed his eyes and when he spoke he knew that he was going to reveal a truth they had all known was coming and yet they had all stood passively next to the impending crash, either unwilling or unable to interfere.

"It's not Addison," Sam paused, willing himself to continue, "It's Amelia. She's dead. I'm so sor…"

But Sam was interrupted by Derek.

"What?" His voice sounded angry, it confused Sam. It would not, though, have surprised Addison. Derek dealt with tragedy by shutting unwanted emotions out, much like closing the door on a persistent salesman. He retreated into a shell of avoidance. He had always done that. Pain was a sign of weakness and a loss of control Derek had banned from his life; at all costs, Addison had learned that the hard way.

"What what?" Sam asked in irritation.

"What did she take?"

Derek's voice sounded harsh. It stunned Sam. Addison would have been prepared for the anger Derek bluntly displayed. Addison knew that whenever something made him feel helpless and betrayed he liked to blame; it was his own method to substitute pain with blame. It might have sounded selfish to anyone uninvolved, but it did not to Addison. To her it was not selfishness but merely self-preservation in a life that had never played fairly with him in the first place.

"Oxycodon."

Derek was silent for a few moments. He thanked Sam for his help so far and told him that Derek would arranged anything further regarding the funeral and transportation to Connecticut.

Then Derek hung up and took the rest of the day off. He sat on the half-finished porch on his land, staring at his cell phone before he dialed his mother; it took him three hours to find the courage.

He was her big brother and he had failed her.

The end.


	12. Victoria

**A/N: **I know I took my time. Been a little busy and I had most of it written already but I hated it, so I deleted it. I had another idea today and it turned out alright, I think. Rosie Thomas inspired me with her song Pretty Dress. I love Rosie!

**Victoria**

"_I feel so untouched, right now."_

Her fingers glided softly over the red, delicate fabric. She let her fingers trace the dress and lost herself in treasured memories; some distant and vague, others raw and painfully explicit.

_His hands explored her body with yearning desire; he placed kisses on her soft, pale skin and whispered in her ear in a husky moan that he loved her. Addison closed her eyes and willed herself to stop – to quit exercising every little aspect of their relationship. But she felt that something was different and it unnerved her that she could not quite detect the cause for her apparent apathy – leaving her unsatisfied and restless._

_Everything was the same; the touch, the kisses and his thirsty moans for pleasure. And still Addison felt as if she was merely playing a role and it ate away at her faith – in him, in her and them as a couple._

_Maybe, Addison admitted to herself, his not wanting to have a baby with her was firing up an internal battle._

_She closed her eyes, moaned at the appropriate moments and squeezed him, willing herself to be done – a cold, detached word, she thought cynically, and yet finishing gave her the hope that the next time it would be different; emotional, passionate, loving. _

_He had once accused her of loving the excitement of cheating and it might have been right if only Addison was not so certain that in this moment she was betraying herself. _

Addison brought the glass filled with red wine to her mouth. As she inhaled its distinctive scent she smiled, remembering that her mother had never liked it. Maybe, Addison guessed, that was why she had started drinking in the first place. She had always feared to become her own mother and now, knowing the lies and deception of their past, Addison knew that she was far from being that person, the one she despised and pitied all at the same time. She was done turning a blind eye to anyone, even herself.

Addison got up, walked over to the bed once more and grabbed the red dress. She had been arguing with herself whether or not to wear it to the Christmas party she was having at her house. She had worried that it would be inappropriate to wear the one dress which she had last worn the day her marriage ended.

Addison laughed at the irony and decided it to be more than appropriate to wear this dress; after all tonight was going to be an ending of a different kind – nonetheless painful and final.

"_I'm leaving him," Addison whispered, closing her eyes and catching some rays in the afternoon sun._

_Amelia did not seem surprised; furthermore she did not seem to react at all. She simply breathed in and out evenly. A few more moments passed and when Amelia turned her head towards Addison, she nodded and said understandingly,_

"_I know."_

"_How," Addison asked curiously, arching one of her eyebrows in demand of an answer; after no one had noticed – had cared enough to think something might be wrong; not even Sam._

"_Ever since you divorced Derek you have looked for something to fill the void; a baby, a new job, a new man. That's no way to live. I hate to quote Cher but 'there is life after love'. It's not always pretty or something you want, but it has to be something you need. I'm not judging. God, I'd be the last person to judge you but you have a moral compass that's making it hard to succeed in anything. I know you tried with Sam, maybe to proof to yourself that he had always been the love of your life – that you should have started dating him instead of my brother. Who knows? Maybe he was just really good in bed. I know you tried. And you know you tried. And you have been battling this for a while now and you have made up your mind. I think you cannot let your guilt keep you from doing something that's been inevitable for a long time. It wouldn't be fair to either of you." Amelia paused, took Addison's hand and spoke reassuringly, "So I know. I still love you anyway and I'll miss you."_

_Addison leaned forward and embraced Amelia, pressing her firmly against her own chest and placing one of her hands on the back of Amelia's head. "I'll miss you, too."_

_Addison kissed Amelia's temple, turned around and headed for her house to get ready for the party._

"Well, thank you all for coming tonight to celebrate Christmas together – especially you, Cooper."

The crowd of doctors laughed at her joke and quieted when Addison demanded attention by pursing her lips.

"We've had a difficult year at practice and I want to thank you all for putting in the effort and the energy to save this practice. We did it – all of us, and I think we have come out of this crisis stronger and braver than before. We protected our values; friendship, trust and honesty. So I'll stand here tonight saying thank you for a great time at Oceanside Wellness. I am saddened to announce that I'll be leaving. I was offered to direct a research on premature progressive heart failure and its genetic disposition in London. I have thought about this for weeks. It's been a hard decision because I care about this practice and all of you very much. But this has always been my dream and it's a once in a lifetime chance so I took it. Don't worry, though, I signed the practice over to both Sam and Charlotte. I'm not claiming back any money. I also interviewed replacements. I made a list of five suitable candidates who will be coming in for another interview next week. Everything should run smoothly. I know it's a lot to digest and you can be mad – so not too much because I've got all of this food that needs to be eaten. Merry Christmas! Let's eat now, I'm starving and my plane leaves at 11."

When Addison sat down, she took a sip from her wine glass and closed her eyes. Sometimes the hardest decisions we have to make are the ones that bring us the greatest relief.

As she breathed in her first scent of London – the smell of fried chips, beer and ginger bread, she smiled and decided that coming here had been a worthy plan.

The end.


End file.
